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A MEMORY HUG

Your loss has left a hole in your heart.
That hole never goes away...
you learn to live with it.
With acceptance of the loss
and changes in your life,
the pain lessens.
Eventually memories fill up the space,
but it never goes away.
Then, when you least expect it,
a memory spills out
of the hole in your heart
and washes you clean again with tears.
Think of it as a "MEMORY HUG"
[Author Unknown]

Please See Me Through My Tears
 

You asked, “How are you doing?”
As I told you, tears came to my eyes…and you
looked away and quickly began to talk again, All the
attention you had given me drained away.
“How am I doing?”…I can do better when people listen,
though I may shed a tear or two.
This pain is indescribable. If you’ve never known it you
cannot fully understand.
Yet I need you.
When you look away,
When I’m ignored,
I am again alone with it.
Your attention means more than you can ever know.
Really, tears are not a bad sign, you know!
They’re nature’s way of helping me heal…
They relieve some of the stress of sadness.
I know you fear that asking how I’m doing brings me sadness …
but you're wrong.
The memory of my loved one’s death will always be with me,
Only a thought away.
My tears make my pain more visible to you, but you did not
give me the pain…it was already there.
When I cry, could it be that you feel helpless, not knowing
what to do?
You are not helpless,
and you don’t need to do a thing but be there.
When I feel your permission to allow my tears to flow,
you’ve helped me.
You need not speak. Your silence as I cry is all I need.
Be patient…do not fear.
Listening with your heart to “how I am doing”
relieves the pain,
for when the tears can freely come and go, I feel lighter,
Talking to you releases what I’ve been wanting to say aloud,
clearing space
for a touch of joy in my life.
I’ll cry for a minute or two…
and then I’ll wipe my eyes,
and sometime you’ll even find I’m laughing later.
When I hold back the tears, my throat grows tight,
my chest aches, my stomach knots…
because I’m trying to protect you from my tears.
Then we both hurt…me, because my pain is held inside,
a shield against our closeness…and you,
because suddenly we’re distant.
So please, take my hand and see me through my tears…
then we can be close again.
 

-Kelly Osmont

GET WELL SOON POEM

I know our loss is very great
but I'm sure many people can relate
I know its hard to say good-bye
don't hold back your tears! It's ok to cry
Just hold my hand and we will stand up high
We will gather strength from one another
hugging and holding each other
we will find each other and together
we will be once again, a family

-By Alyssa Flora, age 13
In memory of her brother Bryson, age 9

CATCHING BUTTERFLIES

It often hurt to come upon
reminders of my son
Tho' often since I lost him
I would search around for one
Which always brought on sadness
and the tears that I would shed
Were caused by names or faces,
all things that I would dread.

But then one day I came upon
a man who'd lost his son
I found that things I ran from,
he wouldn't even shun.

But rather he would treasure
and I said I wondered why
He told me that he called them
"Catching Butterflies."

This view of his intrigued me;
I wanted to hear more
And learned that he took all of them
and carefully would store

All of the reminders
that I chose to push away
He would tuck deep down inside his heart
each and every day.

Now a name or likeness
when catching me off guard
Does not upset me as it did
and I don't find it hard
For now instead I see these times
as opportunities
To see my son awakened
in these new fresh memories.

-Dottie Williams ~ TCF, Pittsburgh PA

Memories

Memories are flowers growing in the heart

Flowers picked on happy days
That time arranges in bouquets
To warm the heart in tender ways
By feelings they impart

Memories are pictures taken through the years,
Pictures of a smiling face.
A happy time, a favorite place . . .
These pleasures time cannot erase.
They are kept as souvenirs.

-Laura Rogers
TCF ~ Northfield, NJ

You're Just a Thought Away

Distance takes us far apart
And darkens my today,
I have to keep remembering-
You’re just a thought away.
When the world is too confusing,
And times are hard to bear,
I pull your precious meaning,
Your bright spirit, from the air.
And if I sometimes drift
into a lonely state of mind,
I gather up the memories
Of the days now left behind.
And though you’re not beside me,
I can tap into my heart
And draw upon the warmth and love
That now lives while we’re apart.
And with these fond reflections
On the times when you were near,
I sense a little bit of what
it’s like to have you here...

-Bruce B. Wilmer
[Lovingly lifted from the newsletter of
TCF, Brisbane, Australia]

Since You're Gone

Since You’re Gone
Everything seems so much more important
and so much more insignificant

Everything has so much more meaning
yet nothing makes any sense

People seem so much more vulnerable
yet I’ve never seen them so strong

My heart feels so much emptier
yet it has grown leaps and bounds

Words escape me
yet I cherish every one

My memories seem to fade
yet they intensify in color and clarity

Tears burn greater and deeper
yet I long for their precious pain

Life seems less worth living
yet its blessings shine all the more brightly

This pain is a gift
yet it is a burden

These memories are a joy
yet they stab at my heart

Time manages to somehow ease the pain
yet brings me further away from you

The future seems daunting
yet promising

My mission here on Earth seems suddenly twofold
yet I do not want this awesome responsibility

I am at the mercy of the universe
yet yearn to take control

My world has been thrown into a dizzying spin
yet has come all the more into focus

I long to be with you
yet I know I must be patient

I appreciate you more
yet you are gone

I love you more than ever
but cannot tell you

I miss you more than I thought possible
and yet you shall never return.

-Julie D. Strongson

To My Miscarried Baby

Out of our love you came,

Planned, wanted, welcomed.

Your announcement created excitement, joy.

Friends and family inquired,

Do you want a girl or boy?

Will you take Lamaze?

What colors for the nursery?

Then suddenly you're gone — and silence.

No one talks about a baby that won't be.

Were you real or a dream?

I feel alone and empty.

Where can I put my love that was for you?

Now what does it mean?

-Betty Ruder ~ TCF, North Shore Chapter IL

MEN DO CRY

I heard quite often "men don't cry"
Though no one ever told me why.
So when I fell and skinned a knee
No one came by to comfort me.

And when some bully boy at school
Would pull a prank so mean and cruel
I'd quickly learn to turn and quip
"It doesn't hurt" and bite my lip.

So as I grew to reasoned years
I learned to stifle any tears.
Though "Be a big boy" it began
Quite soon I learned to "Be a man."

And I could play that stoic role
While storm and tempest wracked my soul.
No pain nor setback could there be
Could wrest one single tear from me.

Then one long night I stood nearby
And helplessly watched my son die.
And quickly found to my surprise
That all that tearless talk was lies.

And still I cry and have no shame
I cannot play that "big boy" game.
And openly without remorse
I let my sorrow take its course.

So those of you who can't abide
A man you've seen who's often cried
Reach out to him with all your heart
As one whose life's been torn apart.

For men do cry when they can see
Their loss of immortality.
And tears will come in endless streams
When mindless fate destroys their dreams.

-Ken Falk TCF, Notrhwest CT Chapter
-Lovingly Lifted from TCF Salt Lake City, UT Web Site

Accept me as I am
Grieving, pained
Empty, lonely

Just love me
And allow me to feel
What I must feel.

One day I will begin to heal -
I know not when.
Don't be afraid of me -
It is still me -

Struggling to find myself -
outside of this pain.
Please just be my friend.

-Marilyn Henderson
TCF/Pacific Northwest 

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